Sade Sati | Saturn Return
Saturn Return | Sade Sati
I, by no means, can call myself a professional Vedic Astrologer, but it's hard not to miss the impact of Sade Sati, or Saturn's Return, in my life. I'm deep in the eye of Saturn's storm that feels dualistic, both soothing and chaotic. I am happy to have a pleasing placement for Shani in my chart, leading my chart in the tenth house, and although people hold a hesitation for Shani, I have a sense of admiration and respect. There's a lot that can be said for Sade Sati, and it depends on your personal chart, but here is one experience from it.
One thematic element I notice playing out during this period of my life is how events have come full circle. I had a turbulent life up to very recently with injustices, associating myself with bad influences, and the like. (In regard to injustices, I hate to see myself as a 'victim' because I always believe I have the authority to gain wisdom from adversity, and you simply cannot buy wisdom.)
I've been gifted second chances to allow circumstances to come full circle and confront the events holding me back. One of those second chances is Pre-Calculus. The last time I took Pre-Calculus was when I was in high school back in 2008. It's a long story, but to condense it, I had a traumatizing experience with a teacher who did not care for me, did not wish to see me succeed and personally attacked me. She would force me to sit back down at my desk with a malicious grin when I stood in line, waiting for her help. She would openly berate me, kick me out without explanation, after I began to self-teach (in an era where resources were limited unless you had the extra finances for a private tutor), I succeeded in earning an A, without any of her help or effort.
It triggered her to falsely accuse me of planning a physical attack on her with a knife. It led to two police officers escorting me out of her class and an interrogation by administrators who did not know me personally. Counselors, vice principal and the principal interrogated me all day and attacked my character. I didn't find out until this year that the administration at my high school broke a law by not calling my parents to inform them that the police were called to pick me up.
It changed the trajectory of my life. I was forced to withdraw from pre-calculus and pursued a different career path than what I originally had in mind. At that time, it was between Texas A&M to study computer engineering and University of Houston to study English Literature. I don't regret my B.A. in Literature at all. Writing, literature, poetry makes my heart beat. But she robbed me of my confidence and will-power.
I didn't think it would be a problem when I enrolled in pre-calculus this semester, but it was. I struggled through panic attacks, shortness of breath, the worst stomach pains, and so forth. It happened after I took my first test this semester, and I realized that the police came for me while I was in the middle of a test (or quiz). The room felt like it was suffocating me, and I had to step out throughout the the class to get fresh air.
This class was somewhat problematic in other areas, but I struggled with overcoming the feeling of unworthiness that my high school teacher instilled in me. And the feeling that I wasn't smart enough.
It was growing pains, a birthing process of cultivating courage and fearlessness. It felt like I gave my adolescent self a sense of closure. I gave myself the happy ending I deserved by earning that A through the havoc of my emotions.
I sometimes feel that your greatest gifts, those mastered through past lives, are the ones that bring the most challenges in your life.
This happy ending feels like a gift from Shani.