It All Started With a Drop

(From 2018.)

I underestimated the tiny bottle of flower essence. Chestnut bud was a departure from the plant and earth healing I've grown to incorporate into my practice but I couldn't resist the bold claim it promised:

"Learn from Mistakes"

Deep down, it's been one of my biggest challenges. I go back to the very things that burn me. I'm not ashamed of being a forgiving person, in fact, it's something that I've learned to appreciate.

But after facing humiliation or being outwardly cast aside, I would always cave in and give others the benefit of the doubt. More attempts would be made on my behalf to reconnect and heal the relationship.

I believe your youth and family life lays part of your foundation for who you are. My familial relationships aren't the strongest or the healthiest and where I fail to 'learn from mistakes' is really with my mother.

I am different and she makes it evident that I do not fit her ideal image. In the past, I've rebelled, stood up for myself, compromised always at a disadvantage. It's not that I want to be at a disadvantage or I believe that one person is meant to fit the role of winner and loser but I started to realize I was absorbing her ideology that didn't represent mine.

I didn't want to be my mother's daughter.

Eventually, I believed that obedience and casting aside my happiness and worth translated to love.

The first day I took the flower essence, I started with two drops in purified bottled water. I didn't think it would affect me in the way that it did. For the first time, my physical body stopped. My mind and spirit told my physical body that it is officially time for rest.

We are part of the collective consciousness. One big giant stream propelling forward with force and ferocity and it's difficult for us to take time apart to rest. Especially for the workaholics out there.

I couldn't connect. I couldn't channel with the flow like I used to. I had to delay my sessions and put my daily checklist on hold.

I took a total of four drops on the first day and felt drained. I laid in bed and nurtured myself.

It's been three months and to this day I take four drops in water every morning. This is a very gentle shift in energy. The flower essences do wholeheartedly create a major shift within you and it reflects on your external world.

I found myself not needing my mother's validation nor seeking her attention and it rippled onto other parts of my life. I took my energy back from the people who were draining it the most.

This year has been the year of the inner-child for me. The flower essence aided in the healing process. It brought back a lot of childhood memories where I was forced to feel guilt in embracing my individuality and my idealism. Patterns of co-dependency emerged between me and my mother and it's been a long 20-or-so odd years.

This tiny bottle finally destroyed a crumbling foundation.

(I will be working with two more bottles and will post updates.)