Healing the Will: Self-Worth

(From 2018)

It’s been a few months since I started taking Bach’s Pine Flower Essence and I always wondered how it would translate into my life. Pine is meant to heal self-worth, but I read that it helps with healing your relationship with money.

I connect self-worth to the Will, one of the 7 bodies within our aura. Our Will is associated with our spinal cord and is the source of our connection between Heaven and Earth. When our self-worth is healthy, we are aligned with our Will. We don’t place our worth onto other people, things, or ideas but rather within our own happiness and our connection with Spirit + Mother Earth.

In Personal Life

I witnessed a major shift in my relationships after I made some much-needed realizations. All really have a lot to do with the themes of self-worth + self-respect.

I always considered myself a pretty confident person, but in my relationships (platonic + non-platonic), I always tend to sacrifice myself a lot for the sake of the other person’s happiness.

I’m a loyal friend but I didn’t really see the extreme, or unhealthy side of it. I’m always eager to help friends but it took me a long time to clearly see that I had a person in my life who treated and really believed that he ‘owned’ me. So much so, that it raised concerns among many people in my life but I always made excuses. When this person went down, I allowed them to drag me down with them. I felt like their crutch but I didn’t see how I placed myself in that role.

I try to think back as to what did it for me. Where did it finally click for me. But it came through awareness. This person, (let’s call him Henry), took advantage of my gifts and frankly of the friendship. He would consistently ask for me to read into things, so much so, that they were often minor and insignificant questions. I felt like a magic eight ball. Squeezed in between, were reminders that I wasn’t ‘as good’ compared to his unrealistic standards, random psychic + mediumship ‘tests’, requests that I have my students inquire into his questions without payment for them, disbelief in what I had to say. If someone doesn’t respect your worth, they won’t even value what you have to say so anything I had to say that he didn’t like to hear, was ignored (even if it was important.)

Meanwhile, I was really going through a very few other people taking me for granted in my socials, with one person sending me private messages asking for advice, wanting free readings and then throwing shade towards me on their page. I had another important person in my life put me down for my dreams, deterring me away from going towards something that I know I am good at and am passionate about. It became overwhelming and while I don’t mean to complain, I promise the reason I bring up these other examples will all make sense.

When I started to put my foot down with Henry by making it clear that he doesn’t own me, things started to change. I made changes in my life. I distanced myself from him. I started to understand why he and the other people were behaving this way towards me. And yes, it took me a while to really forgive.

We both shared feelings of insecurity, a lack of worth, of valuing who we are, what we have to show the world.

When you’re making a significant change, guided by Spirit, you will be put through a testing ground. It’s almost like Spirit is really testing you, making sure you learned your lesson. It’s an initiation followed by a crumbling of a toxic pattern within you that used to be.

I started getting flooded by people messaging me requesting free readings, if not demanding them. People I haven’t spoken to in years or in months, reached out wanting free readings. One person got nasty when I kindly told him that a free reading isn’t fair to me and if they really valued what I do, they would purchase a session from me.

In all honesty, I felt incredibly grateful for these experiences because they taught me something about myself that was missing for a long time. It challenged me to really have compassion and understanding for others, to work deeper within my heart but I saw a deep shedding within my solar plexus + root.

Everything crumbled so a firmer, resilient foundation would be built.

Meditate and take note in where you place your worth in your personal relationships.

In Professional Life

I connect self-worth to the Will, one of the 7 bodies within our aura. Our Will is associated with our spinal cord and is the source of our connection between Heaven and Earth. When our self-worth is healthy, we are aligned with our Will. We don’t place our worth onto other people, things, or ideas but rather within our own happiness and our connection with Spirit + Mother Earth.

Part of the process of healing my self-worth came through understanding my relationship with work.

As a child growing up, my parents enabled in me the belief that in order to be a successful adult, I would have to become ambitious in my education and professional life. It was deeply embedded in me as a child that my identity became associated with what I do for a living and my accomplishments.

Part of me believes there are cultural reasons as to this as maybe some of you will relate. Our dinner conversations would always include what another family member’s or friends’ kids are succeeding at, drawing comparisons between me and them.

I grew up in a competitive environment and, in all honesty, I do appreciate my competitive side because it makes me ambitious but it also is taxing and stressful. My high school was obnoxiously competitive with some peers playing completely dirty and in college, my parents hyper-focused on what I was doing.

My choices and desires never met their expectations and ultimately as a person, I was never happy with what I became successful at. There was this unsatisfied hunger within me that always wanted more opportunities, more ways to advance myself professionally.

I never took the time to acknowledge what I’ve done with my life. I never saw it as exemplarily because I wasn’t where I wanted to be.

I had a friend that openly praised me about my published articles, my year spent working abroad in Germany, the companies I worked for, among other things. The funny thing is that when he said it, it didn’t dawn on me.

While working on my personal relationships and healing this part of my shadow, I saw where it impacted my calling.

I am passionate about helping others but I overworked myself on the more technical side of running a spiritual business. I stressed about my social media accounts, my YouTube page, and worrying about when I would be able to jump start projects.

It drained me and took the joy I connected to when I am able to guide other souls. I realized that I placed a lot of my self-worth on my careers in disastrous ways.

I always felt like I needed to do more because maybe there was a part of me that didn’t meet my own expectations. It felt like a void. I wrongly connected my happiness to my achievements or what I possess when that should never be the case.

While there is nothing wrong with being ambitious, there is a need to understand that when you are happy with who you are, what you strive for will start to actualize. You start to really go with the flow of life and live more in bliss.