“I can love me better.”

An awakening is a small spurt of growth. It happens in a subtle and slow manner but its effects are lasting. It gives us the power to decide for ourselves and to carve out the path that suits our calling.

But so many things can hold us back at times. I’ve been blessed to share my moments of growth with those facing similar hardships within communities, friendships, co-workers. When we feel pain and grief, even resentment due to others’ betrayals, the best thing we can ultimately do is honor our feelings and what we can control: ourselves.

Trying to understand their rationale behind their actions is futile. Worrying about Justice will have you sitting alone as life passes you by. You’ll be dwindling your thumbs waiting for something that is divinely out of everyone’s control for a reason. It belongs to the mystery of life.

There’s no need to worry about someone’s else’s accountability because yours is all that matters. Tending to your heart with the capacity of a mother’s heart is all that matters. Achieving your dreams and aspirations are all that matters. You get to decide for yourself.

I say this as I came out of having to dream about an abusive friend for the past 2 years. I had to re-traumatize myself through remembering all that she put myself through. I mean, this is someone who would enter my home and steal my personal belongings that were specifically sentimental to me. (This was minor compared to the rest.) And remembering all the ordeals did not only put me through pain but it brought a lot of magic to my life through closure.

It reminded me what makes me a great friend to those who deserve my friendship. It reminded me that I deserve to be wanted instead of needed. To make sure I choose friendships in my life that align with my value system and to keep my standards high. It taught me how to let go of what I cannot control and that some people cannot be understood and that’s okay. It taught me that I can always withdraw from someone who oversteps boundaries.

And while I’ve finally been at peace (and haven’t had any crazy dreams like that!) the biggest takeaway is that I’d rather focus on the beauty of the blossoming life around me, the people who value and love me, than on focusing your energy on those who aren’t deserving of it.

It really aids in the process of forgiveness because the detachment opens you up to a higher perspective.