You Reap What You Sow: Stories of a Boyfriend

It’s not every morning that I wake up exhausted from the emotional build-up surfacing for the first time. Sade Sati, usually around the age of 29 to 32, marks a time where we are confronted by the choices we’ve made, even choices that were detrimental for us. It varies based on where Saturn resides in your chart, house ruler, and the like. 

The rush of injustices I’ve faced and the difficulty it’s been for me to arrive at a place of forgiveness. I’ve always protected peoples’ misdeeds as a form of maintaining peace but that comes at a price for me. 

Maybe it’s time that I share my story. Not just about him, but many others.

I do plan on keeping a sense of anonymity by refraining from the usage of names but at what point do we keep protecting the people that severely abused and vilified us?

High school wasn’t the easiest time of my life and that’s a moment of my life where I hope to share more into detail at a later time. I grew up awkward, outcasted so when someone finally paid attention to me I felt surprised.

He was my first. Come to find out that his plan all along was to devirginize me and abandon me, something he would later confess, but he claimed he fell for me along the way of his malicious plan.

He claimed to be God-fearing, but the only thing he feared was a blow to his ego.

I endured bullying from his significantly older female cousin, having to listen to repetitive taunts that I looked ugly, my eyebrows were too thick, and whatever else she felt like hurling at me. I must have been 17 to 18 years old hearing a grown adult project their own insecurities onto me. If only I was aware of projections and how deeply rooted insecurities can make one behave erratically. 

I endured racist comments from his siblings, hearing questions on when I was planning to mow their front lawn. They said other things but that’s what I remember the most.

I had to hear insults from his father on why I wasn’t a suitable enough girlfriend despite the source of problematic conflict stemming from his allegedly idealistic family. It’s like they lived in a house of smoke and they liked it.

By the time I reached college, I did begin to question a lot about the relationship. Knowing that I had male suitors approach me that genuinely did care for my well-being and were upset at him and his family. When I tried to leave and confronted him that it was over, he flat out refused.

I was subjected to uncalled for inappropriate pictures sent from him to me without my consent. It was a breach and the first of many violations. He actually thought that a form of sexual harassment was a way to reconcile a relationship based on an abuse of power.

Despite not reacting or responding to his messages (maybe at one time telling him to stop), he continued and it was disgusting. It was more disgusting that his parents coddled him but in doing so, unknowingly bred an ignorant monster.

Should I have remained friends with him? Looking back, absolutely not but I felt bad. He made me feel guilty, like I was to blame. He accused me of cheating but I had run out of patience breaking things off with him before continuing on with someone who deeply cared about me, and respected me!

Events escalated around my junior and senior year of college. My belief of maintaining a friendship was based on a self-deluded belief that people were mature enough to handle it. He did tell me he was willing to wait years for me to turn around and date him once again, but I was insistent that I did not want that. Not now or ever.

Unfortunately there was an evening where I was a victim of his sexual assault. We were going to a party where we rented a hotel room so we didn’t have to drink and drive. We could safely uber there and then sleep off the alcohol. I told him that it wasn’t an invitation for anything intimate but he completely disregarded it and claimed that it was something that I wanted but just didn’t know yet. He tried several times to force himself on me but I was able to fight him off.

I was the source of transportation that night and left him stranded at the hotel. And I’m sure his little brother validated his feelings when he had to pick him up in the morning. Because that’s what they all did. They excused one another for absolutely horrid behavior.

The worst part was running to a supposedly close female friend of at least 10 years at that point for comfort, only for her to ignore you and shrug it off the assault. Have you ever seen the movie “Promising Young Woman”? Alison Brie’s character Madison is a good representation of the person that she is, someone with a lot of internalized misogyny. 

Or when I told a male friend (who was equally problematic), and he told me something along the lines of “oh well” and attempted to blame me for it. 

Both people deserve a story on my blog and probably will have multiple segments to it.

I remember how I ran into said-former-boyfriend’s friends one night during a new year’s eve party in Sugar Land town center, all people who are way older than me, and all of them vilified me. Shouted obscene things to me, slut-shamed me and blamed me for destroying their best friend’s life.

I still remember his older female cousin leaving obscene and derogatory comments on his facebook when he tagged that we were celebrating my acceptance into a foreign exchange program.

Did I stay friends with him? Yes, because I was conditioned to believe that it was my fault. It wasn’t until months into Germany that the friends I made over there remarked at how abusive all of these individuals are. This is where I finally started to cut a lot of them out.

I remember coming back home and having a preacher’s son try to taunt me by saying that my ex-boyfriend is getting married. I’m not sure if he was trying to humiliate me or poke fun at the fact that he got married before I did. But I was able to escape a dimwitted abuser. 

And as of late, maybe 2 years ago, he tried to add me on Snapchat despite the fact that he is married with kids. I deleted his request, but I just know that it would have been my fault too. 

I think people deserve to know the truth.

I’ll never forget when he got a flat tire on the way to my place when we were still dating, and his mom told him that it was God protecting him from reaching me. But to this day, I feel like it was God protecting me from him and his family. 

I’m one hundred percent certain, to this day they blame me for any consequences that they are facing, downplaying it to witchcraft or hexes or whatever foolishness. Unaware that they are the cause of their problems because ultimately you reap what you sow.

I’m not done with this story as I want to write my reflections about this period of my life.