Embracing Self-Love in the Face of Criticism
Embracing Self-Love in the Face of Criticism
Amidst the season of love, self-love should be regarded as the most coveted of its kind. It's hard to maintain that healthy sense of self-adoration and respect when others have tried so hard to break it down.
Today, I was recounting to a friend a story about the lack of empathy people have when it comes to understanding others' difficult seasons. I've experienced a lot of criticism in the form of devaluing myself as a person based on my financial worth.
While on the phone, I told him about a former friend I had who was financially better off than me. Back in 2016 or 2017, I worked at an art gallery, but I wasn't earning what I should have been (and that's a different story for another time).
Her family hosted a tent at the Houston Rodeo that year, and she invited me to go. I paid for my own general admission and for some miscellaneous things there. Just because someone graciously invited me as a guest does not give them the right to treat me as if the invitation was conditional or transactional. However, later that night, I did not enjoy going on amusement rides because of my fear of heights and refused to get on a final ride. My discomfort to her didn't mean anything because it was clear that she focused on herself.
When I refused to get on that final ride, she claimed that I was a "waste of her time and money." Her statement revealed her true views of me and how she valued people (and myself) based on what I could provide materially.
Growing up financially impoverished and experiencing bouts of bad luck throughout my twenties revealed to me how to be compassionate and empathetic, how to love myself regardless of circumstances, appearances, or what I owned. But I also got to see the flip side of that.
(By the way, I was told that I wasn't marriage material by another person for the same reason.)
It's important to understand that criticism comes from a source of pain and wounding. In her case, I left the friendship as a result of that comment and hearing her (or her sister) express how they keep their Facebook active with the sole purpose of making others jealous of them and their lifestyles.
Scarcity was the root of that criticism. The need for validation to feel a certain way, something I'm not interested in exploring.
But what I do know from my own experience is how painful it is to be on the receiving end of those comments, how easy it is to internalize them, and how long it takes to unravel and dismantle others' projections.
Take Valentine's Day as an opportune time to meditate on what false beliefs you are holding on to, what criticisms affected you greatly, and remember that these are comments that these people "learned from another wounded soul." (Marion Costentin)
The more that you take this to heart, the more you’ll be able to forgive and trust in yourself.
How would you describe the love you have for yourself? For me, it’s about loving my power and knowing that I have the capability to succeed and whatever I put my heart into. No one can take that away from me, and no one can hold power over my sense of worth based on external validations, such as material gains.